About Fathers & Other Supporters

Many partners feel understandably anxious about being a birth partner or birth "coach."  This is a hefty responsibility for anyone, and especially for a man who has not been to a birth before.  Prominent natural birth obstetrician Michel Odent recently published an article expressing his belief that husbands and boyfriends should be kicked out of the birth room entirely because they are unprepared for birth and can hinder the process.  I disagree with Dr. Odent's solution, but can agree there is a problem.  Men aren't adequately prepared for birth, even in most childbirth classes.  I believe that an adequately prepared partner can be extremely helpful in labor, however, and that he can greatly help the mother in her labor.  I believe that doulas are very important for this beneficial transaction to take place between a mother and father.  Doulas can help a man better understand what labor will be like, she is there in labor to let him know when things are okay and what he can do to help, she can give him a much-needed break if he needs it, she can make sure he eats and drinks and maintains his desired level of involvement, and she can support him as she and he support the mother. 

Expecting a father to be the sole support person for a laboring woman can be incredibly daunting for a man.  While many men are incredible support people (my husband is one of them), very confident in the mother's abilities and in his own, most men need support as well.  Men may feel as though they have to "protect" the mother during birth, and when things don't go as planned, many men feel guilty or inadequate, and this is unfair.  Having a doula in attendance can relieve your partner of some of the unfair pressure put upon him to know it all, to understand everything that happens during complications or interventions, and to be level-headed while an incredibly emotional and life-changing event is happening to him.  Men need acknowledgement that they too are going through a major life transformation that gives them mixed feelings.  Men need to also have someone to talk to and rely upon who is non-judgmental regarding their desired role in birth and the new demands on them and their lives.

You may have other support people, like family members or friends who will attend your birth.  Some of them may feel that you do not need a doula because you have them.  This is completely up to you.  It may help to discuss your desired roles for each member of your team.  Remember that it is imperative that your attendants be at least knowledgeable about your desired birth methods and believe in your ability to achieve your desires.  Some women choose a doula for this reason, perhaps because their mother had a cesarean or instrumental delivery and the new mother is worried about her mother's fears rubbing off during labor.  Whatever your birth team's composition, it is important that you feel confident in your decisions and in your team and that they feel confident in you.